Day 16 - Patra and Athens

We arrived in Patra at 12:30 and the train to Athens isnt until 5pm so we had lunch and walked around town a bit. Not much to see here. The first half of the 4.5 hour train ride was in a rickity old beater of a train with no a/c but it went along the coast so the view was amazing. The second half was on a much nicer train. Once in Athens we took the metro to our hotel, which was nice even though it was in a dodgy part of down. Had dinner and a shower and went to bed.

Day 15 - Napoli and Pompeii

Why go to Napoli if it is such a dump? Because Pompeii is right down the road. I've always wanted to see the ancient city that was destroyed by a volcano. After a bit of train confusion (surprised?) we made it to Pompeii with not much time before we had to catch another train over to Bari. Pompeii was amazing to see. Many of the paintings on the walls have survived, as have a few fountains which were decorated with stones and sea shells. We were also able to see several human bodies and a dog that are now solidified in ash. Wish I had more time for a proper tour but we had to head back to Napoli to catch another train to Bari, which is where we will catch a ferry to Greece.
...hours and hours on a train...

We made it to Bari and were able to get strait on a ferry to Patra, Greece. I got the cheapest ticket, which was for the deck, which means not only do I not get a bed, I dont even get a seat. So I set up camp on the deck of the boat and slept very little.

Day 14 - Tuscany-Rome-Napoli

We missed our first train in the moring back to Rome, so we had to scramble over to the next village to catch another one. From there we hopped another train down to Napoli. The train ride was neat, great scenery, but Napoli is a garbage dump. Literally. There is garbage everywhere. We got in a bit late, checked in to our hotel which was lovely, and went looking for a bar with some music or something but no luck.

Day 13 - Tuscan Villa

What an unexpected bonus this is. I woke up in the morning and went outside to find the girls picking basil leaves from the garden so we could make homemade pesto that evening. I had a swim in the infinity pool to wake me up a bit. The pool overlooks grape and olive vineyards as far as the eye can see. It looks like you could swim right over the edge of the pool and down the hill. We all loaded up and headed to the nearest village to get the rest of the pesto ingredients. When we got back we had a quick pasta lunch and I was back in the pool with a few Coronas. We all spent the whole afternoon in the pool, it was perfect. Once evening hit we spent about 4 hours making enough pesto to feed a football team. We had a feast outside that night and I never want to eat pesto again.

Day 12 - Rome

Woke up VERY EARLY to go in to town with Flaminia. Started off at Vatican City. We walked through the museums and the Sistine Chapel and St. Peter's Basilica for a few hours. I had seen the Basilica before but didnt make it to the museums or Sistine Chapel last time I was in Rome. They have countless statues, paintings, tapestries, maps, etc and all of it was very intriguing and priceless. From Vatican City we walked past Castle St. Angelo and over to the Pantheon, another thing I had not seen before. It was the first church in Rome and has an amazingly huge dome with a hole in the center. From there we walked past Trevi Fountain, always amazing, and made our way over the the Roman Forum and the Colosseum. I will always be amazed by the Colosseum no matter how many times I see it. After that we met Flaminia for lunch and headed home. I have now seen everything on my list in Rome, though there is plenty more for me to research and come back to visit.

That evening, Flaminia mentioned her mother's house in the hills of Tuscany and that we could hang out there for a few days if we wanted. The train leaves in 40 minutes, so three minutes later we were out the door and in a cab to the train station. 2 hours later we were there. The house is amazing! It is basically a mansion that is rented out to the super rich for weeks at a time. The last guests before us were uber rich Saudi princes or something (seriously). We got there a bit late so we just chatted with Flaminia's mother and her 12 dogs for a bit and went to bed.

Day 11 - Rome

We took the bus to town and walked over to Villa Borghese and through the parks there. From there we went down to Piazza Venezia which is where Vittoriano ("the wedding cake") is located, at the end of the Roman Forum and just down the road from the Colosseum. It was about here that Jeff's camera battery went dead, plus everthing was closed since it was Sunday, so we just headed home. By this time Flaminia was back so we just hung out and chatted with her, cooked dinner, and went to bed.

Day 10 - Ferry and Rome

The ferry doesnt arrive until 430pm and the pool was full of screaming kids, so I spent most of the day watching the Olympics in the lounge. Once we got to the port, there was no clear direction of what to do so we just got on a free shuttle bus that took us about 50 feet... From there we walked to the train station to take us on to Rome. Jeff and Steph have a friend who lives in Rome and offered us free accomodation, Thanks Flaminia! Once we got to her house, we walked to the market and then cooked dinner. It was a quit night and I got to sleep in a real bed!

Day 9 - Barcelona and the ferry

missed my bike tour again! I suck! But I had a great time out and met some cool people so no worried. I will be back to Barcelona so next time I suppose. So we checked out of the hostel, left our bags there since the ferry wasnt until that evening, and headed to the beach to nurse our wounds. We were there about 4 hours, perfect conditions, the perfect cure. From there we got on the 19 hour ferry to Civitavecchia, Italy, which is just outside Rome. We had dinner on board and what was supposed to be a short nap turned into bedtime and I slept through the night. For this ferry we had a cabin with beds and a bathroom. This was a luxury I would never see again...

Day 8 - Barcelona

I slept throught the freaking bike tour again! Damn it! In my defense, I had a terrible nights sleep due to a snoring Englishman in the bunk below mine. Once we got around we went to an internet cafe to check the ferry options to Italy. Once we figured that out we set off to the ticket office to book the tickets. The ferry company has a new name but never bothered to update the website or tell anyone, so what should have taken 15 minutes took an hour and a half just to find the right office, then they told us we couldnt buy the tickets until after 5pm. Once that debacle was finished I was slightly peaved. We hopped on the metro to Guell Park, which is on top of a hill overlooking the city and has some Gaudi architecture inside. After a pleasant stroll through the park we headed back across town to actually buy the tickets for the ferry. It felt like a major accomplishment to actually have these tickets in our hands. It was a long and hot day and I was a little cranky so we headed back to the hostel. There was a market nearby so we got some cheap food and cooked it at the hostel. I got a bottle of wine for less than 2 euros and that made me feel a bit better. Once some people had gathered at the hostel we fired up a drinking game, got everyone loose, and went out to a nightclub. Somewhere along the way I lost Jeff and Steph. The nightclub was called Razmataz, I recommend it if you are ever in town. Good music and then halfway through a live band came out and jammed for a bit. Next thing I know its 6am and I can see the sun. Got little to no sleep and...

Day 7 - Barcelona

Today I had every intention of going on an organized bicycle tour of Barcelona but I slept too late. No worries, I can catch it tomorrow. We walked down the main street of Las Ramblas and we were early enough that we saw most of the street performers putting on their makeup and costumes. This place had more street performers than I have every seen and most of them were very clever. They also have one million souvenir shops and quite a few pet shops on the street selling everything from turtles to chipmunks. We made it to the plaza at the end and found a place to rent bikes. It was the best decision I ever made. It was so fun to just cruise around town, it made me feel like a little kid in Coldwater again. I had a big clunky cruiser. We didnt really know where to go but stumbled across some Gaudi architecture and Sagrada Familia. Sagrada Familia might be the coolest looking building I have ever seen but I didnt want to pay a tenner to get in. Google it. After a lunch we came back to the hostel and Steph and I went to the beach while Jeff hung out at the hostel. The beach here is great. Nice sand, great water, and tons of people. I spent the whole afternoon/evening at the beach and then had a quit night at the hostel before bed.

Day 6 - Madrid and Barcelona

First thing on the agenda was to go to the train station to get tickets to Barcelona. It took much longer than we expected but we finally got them and then went for lunch, which also took forever. By then we didnt have much time til the train left so we went to a huge park nearby called Parque del Retiro and wandered around. They had several cool fountains and monuments there. After that we got on the train to Barcelona. We plan on staying there a few days and I cant wait to be settled somewhere for more than one night. Once we got checked in the to the Abaredo Youth Hostel in we went for a walk. Right away I could tell this was a very cool city. We went to the seaside and saw the many vendors and performers there. I walked all the way to the beach and had a look, though by now most people were leaving. The seaside/boardwalk area was very interesting. That evening we did our own little tapas tour through the pedestrian streets along Las Ramblas. Here they have tons of cool bars and restaurants. Came home a bit tispy to find several fun people hanging out in the common area of our hostel.

Day 5 - Madrid

Arrived at 840am after a long, hot, not too comfy overnight train. Had a quick bite and a coffee at the train station and then got on the metro. Our hostel was supposedly "very close" to a metro stop. What they didnt mention was that metro stop is under construction and you cant get there. So we got off where we could, got on a bus going whoknowswhere. At random we decided to get off. We walked a mile and found our hostel, Mad Hostel. After we checked in we went for a stroll and came across Reina Sofia museum. It had many works by Picasso including the famous "Guernica" of which I have always been a fan. It is HUGE. I also like art by Angeles Santos (Un Mundo) and Juan Gris (La Ventana Abierta and La Mesa Del Musico.) After about 3 hours in the museum we went back to the hostel to rest a minute before a tapas tour that the hostel offered. It was meant to go to 4 different tapas bars but #3 was so good we just stayed there. We met come cool people and I accidentally fed meat to a vegeterian and she puked, always a lifelong goal. Later that evening we went walking after dark. Madrid is neat at night, I got some neat pics.

a little ketchup

I am in Bari, Italy and my ferry to Croatia doesnt leave for 12 more hours so I am going to see how far I can get on the blog. Enjoy.

Day ???

I'm never drinking alcohol again. For at least 2 days.

Still Kickin it

Currently sleeping in a doghouse in Ios, Greece for a few nights. Today I laid by the beach all day then moved over to the pool. Now I'm exhausted...

Yes I am alive

I havent had a chance to do blogs lately, I´ve been very busy exploring and hanging out at beaches. I am at an internet cafe now but I dont have my journal with me and I dont want to miss anything. I´m in Barcelona, which is the coolest city so far. Hopefully I will get some more time soon to update you on what I have been doing, but it has been really fun. Gracias por su visita!

Day 4 - Lisbon

Today we had planned to hit the beach just a ways down the coast from Lisbon. We slept in a bit, grabbed some breakfast, and headed for the train station. After a bit of confusion over which train to take, we stuffed our bags in some lockers at the train station and headed for the beach town. There was one stop we wanted to make along they way which was the Monument to the Discoveries. It's bascially a giant statue of several famous Portuguese explorers. It's very big and impressive and you can go up to the top for more great views. On the other side of the river is a statue of Jesus that is the sister to the one in Rio, Brazil. After a bit more train confusion we made it to the beach and had a nap. My only complaint is the amount of old fat women in thongs...

Back in town now, about to get dinner and then get on a 10 hour overnight train to Madrid, Spain. Long trip but it means I dont have to pony up for accomodation tonight:)

Adios!

Amo, Russ

Day 3 - Lisbon

August 9
We arrived in Lisbon just after lunch and checked in to our hostel after a long and hot walk from the train station. We were spoiled a bit by the first hostel and this one was not nearly as nice, but it got the job done. We had a bed to sleep in. As soon as we checked in we got a quick bite and made our way out to the aquarium. It is the second biggest in the world and the whole thing is built around a giant tank that represents the natural ocean and has tons of different fish and plants inside. It holds the same amount of water as 4 Olympic size swimming pools. The main tank had several kinds of sharks, rays, eels, barracuda, tuna, grouper, sunfish, and tons of other weird ones that I didnt recognize. As you walked around the giant tank there were many other smaller tanks with specific kinds of plants and animals from different oceans of the world. We spent about 2 hours there. We were there for about 2 hours and then headed back to the main part of town. We headed for a cafe that is at the top of a 100 year old tower with an elevator, but we chose to walk up the hill to get there instead. The top offered some great views of the city and a couple of well deserved beers. From here we headed back down to explore the city streets. Like most old cities in Europe, Lisbon has a main part of town that is mostly pedestrian, so we walked around there a bit. We came out at the coast where there is a giant arch at the gates of some very old government buildings with a massive public square. We saw that a stage had been erected to we checked it out and found that we were in the middle of an Ocean Festival and tonight would be a free concert by Craig David. I'm not really in to Craid David but we thought it would be cool anyway. We had some time to kill so we went for a quick dinner and back to the concert. The opening band was Portuguese and while they rocked, I had no idea what they were saying. My feet and back hurt from walking all day so I was ready to hear the one Craig David song I knew and go to bed. Intro band played for an hour and a half before CD came on, played three songs and we left. I almost got my pocket picked but luckily I have deep pockets and not much in them. That night I was very ready to get off my feet and get in bed. Tomorrow, the beach!

Day 2 - Porto

This morning after brekkie at the hostel we headed to the train station to reserve seats for the journey to lisbon tomorrow. Since the "Italian Standoff" I now know how to operate the ever so complex Europass. Hopefully I dont get threatened with jail time tomorrow. Once we had that taken care of we headed off to the beach. We went to a different one than the extra rocky one that we saw yesterday and it was much nicer. Not as many rocks and the sand was nice and soft. But...it was way to windy to enjoy. On the bright side, my skin has never been so exfoliated. I explored a rocky jetti that was neat. All the rocks were worn smooth by the waves and there were quite a few pools from when the tide is high. I saw quite a few crabs and seach urchins and a few fish in some of the bigger pools.

We werent at the beach long and we got back on the bus towards town to search out a Port storehouse. We crossed a bridge and found one just after the bus stop. It was the Sandeman storehouse which is the most popular brand. The tour was very neat. They had thousands of barrels of ageing port, some that held over 20,000 liters of wine! After that tour we got to taste a few and they were very good. We left there to get a very late lunch and sat by the river for a while enjoying the scenery and river traffic.

By then it was almost 5 so we started to head back to the hostel and took a detour through the main part of town that we hadnt been to yet. Again, neat architecture but overall pretty dull. We were pretty tired so we came back to the hostel to rest for a bit before dinner here. Dinner time in Spain and Portugal is anywhere from 9-12pm. I've had a nap and a shower and I think we are going to get some food from the shop down the street and maybe watch a movie here at the hostel or something. There are plenty of other people here so I'm sure we'll find some people to chat with.

I realized today that since I am travelling for 50 days total and this isnt like a regular vacation, I cant go out to dinner and fight something to do every night. I need regular nights in to relax, not only to save money but just to survive! Travelling is exhausting sometimes, there is so much to see and so many miles to walk.

Tomorrow we will be in Lisbon by noon and I think we are going to the beach for the afternoon. There is also a neat aquarium there that I want to go to, I'm very excited about that. Look for another post later with all the neat stuff I learned about Port wine today.

Day 1 - Porto

the night before our trip i could barely sleep. i woke up for the last time at about 4am. i ended up getting to the airport WAY too early and sitting alone for a couple hours. i was too excited. we got to porto at about noon and where checked into the hostel by 1. we set out for lunch and found 3 euro lasagne! it was gross... from there we just started walking. we spotted an open top bus tour so we hopped on. i love those, they are a great way to see a lot of things and get oriented with the city. this city is full of churches and old historic buildings. all the old buildings and many of the new have a pretty distinct style with tiles covers most of the facade. most of the tiled parts make up elaborate mosaics that depict historic moments from Portuguese history or the Bible. This is the most interesting thing about Porto so far, the rest of the tour was rather boring. We did find the beach so we got off the bus and visited an old castle that was a fortress to protect the beach. From there we walked for almost an hour. The beach is very rocky and not comfortable to walk on. It's also full of old people. This town seems to be full of the older generation. After the beach walk we got back to the main part of town and boarded a river cruise that came with the tour. This part was pretty interesting because the city is divided by a river and there are quite a few interesting bridges spanning across. From there we had a long walk back to the hostel. I wore my flops and wore a nice blister between my toes on both feet. They are still bleeding this morning so that will make the next few days fun. No more flops. The city is very hilly so there are many uphill walks when we are out and about. When we got back to the hostel we rested for a bit, I had a shower, and then we went out for dinner. We ate at some diner that had pretty much everything. We finished at about 10pm and where very tired so we just went to bed. I'm up this morning and had breakfast here at the hostel. I think we are about to head to the train station to reserve tickets for Lisbon tomorrow, then we're off the lay in the sun on the beach. In the afternoon we may tour a port factory if we can find one. (Port is a wine that is made here, google it.) Having fun so far. I only realized this morning that I will be traveling a total of 50 days by the time it is all said and done!

i'm off

it's 6am. i'm about to head to the airport to leave for portugal. i barely slept all night i'm so excited. the first stop is Porto and i have no idea what there is to do there, it was just the cheapest ticket to the mainland...

off we go

the end of an era

Today was, for all practical purposes, my last day at Dell. Technically next Friday is my last day, but I'm only going in for a few hours on Tuesday and Friday of next week.

I feel like I'm being forced out more than quitting. They are making it impossible to work there and a lot of good people are quitting. Just about everyone that has come to Ireland from America is leaving, and there are quite a few Irish moving on as well. The mood at the company is completely dreary. it's all doom and gloom and every breakfast/lunch/break is a depressing affair. we sit around and gripe about how bad things are. We worry about what will happen next. we're miserable and, for some, it has affected other areas of our lives. We spend a ton of time at work and when that is bad, it has a ripple effect. Dell, at least the Ireland location anyway, appears to be a sinking ship and we're jumping. I hate to be quitting, Dell has been good to me up until this point and I'm sure if I went back in the US I would be OK, but the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth, and I was never passionate about this job anyway. It was a good opportunity and I did well, but it's over.

The worst part is, I don't really want to leave Europe yet. I feel like I'm not leaving on my own terms. Now that the decision is made, however, I am looking forward to starting some new things back home. I have no job lined up, no place to live yet, no car, and after my last hurrah trip around Europe before I fly home, I will have no money. It's actually quite exciting. I know things will work out how they should.

So, I leave August 7th for a 6(ish) week train trip around Europe. I bought a one way ticket to Portugal and a 2 month train ticket. I have a loose plan but I will mostly fly by the seat of my pants. Whenever I am ready to move on, I'll just head to the train station and see where it will take me. I'll try to keep up on the blog where I can find internet cafes and such so stay tuned and wish me luck and pray that things calm down in Turkey because I will be there around the end of August.

Love, Russ

PS get a mac.

A short story (fiction)

about a loser in an airport, inspired by me while I was in the airport today. Love it or hate it, leave a comment and let me know:) This is fictional, it didn't really happen to me.

I am just sitting here. Minding my own business. Hating life.

I went to bed at 1am and woke up at 4:30am. I sat on my delayed flight for 35 minutes before the plane even moved.

Even though I was up so early, I still have time to kill, so I got an Americano and a chocolate muffin from the airport coffee shop. Both are shit.

I’m on my way to yet another conference where 9 of my asshole bosses are going to tell lies to my customers that I will have to account for and answer to. They will light fires today that I will have to put out tomorrow. I have no purpose at this event. I am not presenting, chasing a PO, or learning anything. I will spend a total of 20 minutes, all during “comfort breaks,” smiling and shaking hands and explaining that no, I don’t have a business card. Making pointless small talk. Asking questions that I don’t care to hear the answers to. Making up bullshit answers to questions I don’t know the answers to. Avoiding eye contact and enduring countless awkward moments which I will get myself out of by faking a cell phone call. I will spend the entire lunch break on fake phone calls to avoid repeating the nightmare that was “Welcome and Introduction.” Death by PowerPoint. Propaganda. Growing contempt for the people who are supposed to be running my company.

I don’t know any of this is coming my way while I am hating my breakfast and the story isn’t really about that because she really ruins my day before any of that started.

Anyway, back to me sitting here. I notice her walk up to the counter and yes, OK, I’m a guy, I notice that she is gorgeous and has an amazing body and all those other dirty thoughts that go along with that. And yes, I am picturing her naked. It is awesome. She looks great.

She is wearing one of those disgusting velour track suits. Only she is pulling it off. Despite the fact that it is the color of a hookers eye makeup. Her hair is in a perfect messy ponytail or clippy thing or whatever. Her hairstyle says, “No, I don’t want to join the mile high club, I’m already a member.” A low waist and tight around her perfectly shaped butt. Zipped low enough to show a screaming glimmer of hope. Mocking me with her cleavage. A glorious 3 inches of skin between the pants and the top is what puts me over the top. She has those hip bones. She wears flip flops and she has nice feet (not that I’m into feet, they just aren't gross, which is nice) and she is tan. Real tan, not bottled tan.

I’m still sitting here. What am I going to do run over and introduce myself, buy her a coffee and offer her a seat at my table? There is exactly one chair left in this area and it is across from me at my table. She glances around the room, notices the seat, and glides right over. She doesn't even give the room a panicked second glance why doesn't she look harder you don’t just approach a stranger like this!!

“Is anyone sitting here?” She asks in her angelic voice with a perfect smile and I swear to God her teeth sparkle like in the movies. She very easily could have said, “Get your shit off my table and disappear. In your cheap department store suit. You disgust me. You’re a disgrace.” Because all of those things are true. I hate this stupid department store suit. Anyway, she could have said all that and I would still tell this story as if it were a triumph simply because I was so near to her and she spoke in my general direction.

All of this is going through my head for a few seconds. Then I realize she was waiting for a response. She is looking at me with anticipatory raised eyebrows and a still great smile when she should have been dumping hot coffee all over my useless crotch.

So with a mouth full of chocolate crap muffin I shake my head yes for a full 10 seconds before muttering “sure thing” and spitting chunks on the table as I spoke. Brilliant. She sits down but my tray is right in the middle of the table which doesn't leave enough room for hers. I am busy in my mind trying to determine what sickness I must have to be this delusional and also what the other people in the shop must be thinking at the sight of me talking at what has to be no one. She is forced to give a perfectly cute giggle as she tries to set her tray down with mine clearly in the way. She probably should have picked up my tray and slammed it over my head, but her way worked too, I move my tray back without a word. I triy to do it deliberately and not like an imaginary goddess had asked me to. All this for the benefit of the other patrons. I want no one to worry. Or call security on the looney in the coffee shop spitting all over his table and talking to himself. Anyway, her demeanor is perfect and she doesn't feel awkward at all and I might as well be naked on the jumbotron at the Super Bowl.

I decide to ignore her. For obvious reasons. This is obviously a trap or a dream or at the very least a total disaster. It is a test.

In my attempt to ignore her, I pull my book out of my bag. Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut. Backfire for my original plan but major accomplishment for my as yet formed and newly developing plan. To win her heart forever, of course. My how things change. Once I have my book out, she quickly goes into her own bag and fetches a dagger for my heart. Cat’s Cradle by, guess who, Kurt Vonnegut. She puts it on the table and slides it towards me so that I can't miss it. When I see it I am surprised enough that I say nothing. I just sit here and stare at her sort of wide-eyed, a face that could be interpreted as confusion, disdain, pleasure, fear for my life, discomfort, etc, etc, who knows what it looks like but what seems like an hour passes by and the whole time I am thinking, “sure, go ahead, find a way to hate me for this…”

“You read Kurt Vonnegut!” That’s an exclamation point friend, not a question mark. It is a statement. An excited statement. Her inflection is one not filled with contempt, much to my surprise. It is more like “Finally! I can’t believe it! I was just telling all the other beauty queens that I am going to marry the next guy I find who reads the same very widely circulated best selling author as me!”

What follows is unreal to me. Uncharted territory. A conversation that includes some or all of the following:

• I’ve only read a few of his.
• Did you read Slaughterhouse Five?
• Did you know he really was in Dresden during WWII?
• He’s very witty and funny.
• Who else do you like?

And other relevant questions, answers, opinions, words, and sentences that make up what appears to me like a normal conversation. I consider it a success because I say nothing stupid or insulting and when it is over she is still here. It is the most successful conversation I’ve ever had for that reason.

I could have keep going. She is actually making it very easy for me. My plan is to segue from Vonnegut to Palahniuk and then to movies via Fight Club. After movies/actors/actresses I will transition to music via Glen Hansard and Once. These were all topics that I can deal with and seem like good topics for normal, interesting, get to know you type questions for regular people in coffee shops.

But I am cut short. Don’t panic, you wont believe this. I am interrupted from the Palahniuk Transition by some prick interrupting us with the most obnoxious “Is that whats-her-name from such and such’s blah blah blah class? Oh my God I can’t believe it’s you what are you doing here? Gosh you look as great as ever!!”

It is apparently a former classmate of hers happening by in the airport. Of course I am immediately put off and since this jackass is wearing an Armani suit I decide to fold. I am fully prepared to give my It Was Nice Meeting You sendoff when I realize that I know this guy. A friend of a friend type situation, we have met once or twice. He recognizes me at about the same time as I recognize him. He also recognizes my suit. Shit.

They could easily go off on tangents that don’t involve me. About the fun times they had in school or the people they knew or inside jokes. If I am them, that’s what I would be doing. But they don’t do that. Instead, we all three have a conversation, which was the last thing I thought would happen. Small talk. Chat. About the weather and the local sports teams and the coffee and why we are all at the airport.

Why we are all at the airport is another reason this story is worth telling. As it turns out, Whatshisface is going to the same event I am, put on by my company, only he was invited as a guest because he is a potential customer of the particular products that I sell. I wouldn’t have been more surprised if I had woken up with my hands sewn to my face.

Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, we work out a plan to do business together. I barely had to give my pitch, and we even made plans to close a decent sized deal as soon as we were both back to our desks after the conference.

So Guy takes off, he has to Take Care of Some Things before we meet again at the conference so I’m left here with my dream girl. It is getting close to time for me to go, but I am 100% willing to blow it off and sit at this airport coffee shop that serves burnt Folgers and last weeks muffins with this girl. Of course, she has somewhere to be too. I’m rolling now, on cruise control, confidence is at an all time high, so I make a move.

“So can I get your number?” or something like that…
“Nope.”
Shit. I should have known. How could I be so dumb? Did I forget who I was for a sec?
“Ok, well it was nice to mee…”
“No silly, you give me your number, and no fakes, I’m sick of giving my number to guys and never hearing from them again. You give me yours and I will definitely call you about this weekend.”

Nothing could bring me down. I could wake up the next morning to find my own kidney listed on EBay and shake it off. I might even bid on it with a smile on my face. The world is my oyster. Things are looking up.

So anyway, I’m still sitting here. Sipping my bitter drink and nibbling at my crumbly muffin and watching a very attractive girl in a turquoise velour track suit order a coffee and walk away, counting down the minutes…

Donde es la bibliotecha?

That's right friends, I'm off to Spain tomorrow! I get a full day to goof off in London, then a party bus to Pamplona, Spain for the San Fermin festival and the running of the bulls! I'll be running on Monday and, if I survive that, Tuesday as well. Watch for me on the news, I'll be the one in all white with a red sash, running for my life. Possibly also the one flying through the air after a bull rips me a new a-hole and then stomps my manberries. Don't worry mom, I'll adopt you some more grandbabies. You might have to cosign.

Love, Russ

Egypt will change your life

I’ve always wanted to go to Egypt, ever since I was a little kid. I think I’ve watched every show about the Pyramids or the Sphinx that comes on the Discovery Channel. After doing some research on Egypt Tourism, I decided that just booking a flight and “winging it” like I normally do would not work. First of all, Cairo alone is a city of more than 20 million people. (I’ve read 17, 18, and 20 million, and while I was there the guide said 24 million.) After looking around at some of the other places I wanted to go, I learned that part of the travel would need to involve an armored convoy and that Americans in particular were the most prized target for would be terrorists. Now, nothing of the sort has happened in a long time so the risk is fairly low, but whoever is in charge decided that it was enough of a risk to publicize and to arm the convoy. So I decided to book a tour. I must have looked through every possible organized tour of Egypt and the one I picked was the King Tutankhamen Tour from www.onthegotours.com. I have to say, I was very impressed and it was well worth the money. The company took care of everything; all we had to do was be on time. It was a perfect combination of roughing it, tours, culture, and down time. When we were in hotels, they were 5 star and they all had great food and swimming pools to escape the 120° F heat. Our tour guide was a brilliant Egyptian named Bishoy who had a degree in Egyptology, which means he spent 6 years learning about everything we were about to see. He was a fantastic tour guide. He was great at explaining everything to us and knew the answer to every question we could ask. On top of that, he was very friendly and fun to hang out with during our down time.

My travel buddy was Thuong, you might remember him from the ski trip, and we had pretty much an entire day of traveling to get to Cairo. We left Dublin just before lunch and arrived in Cairo just before midnight, with a short layover in Paris. We could feel the heat as soon as we stepped off the plane. We were greeted at the airport by a rep from the tour company who sorted out our visas for us and transferred us to our hotel.

Once we got to the hotel we checked in and decided to see what was going on at the hotel bar. I went to the ATM machine to get some Egyptian Pounds and was surprised to see that my 400 pounds was dispensed in all 10s. You get about 8 pounds for 1 euro so I was only holding about 50 euros but I still felt rich. Things are pretty cheap in Egypt. We heard some music from the piano bar so we decided to check that out but they were wrapping up as we got there. We had one beer and decided to walk down the street for some snacks before we went to bed. On our way back we were corralled into a Papyrus shop by the ambitious but friendly shopkeeper, Farook. I blame Thuong, I tried to keep walking, but I knew I could say no so I decided to see what was going on. It was here that we first learned that the Egyptians, especially the shopkeepers, are very friendly and hospitable. Once he got us inside he offered us a drink. When we said we’d have a beer, he said “sure” and then walked out the door, got in a car, and disappeared. We were confused but curious so we waited it out. He was back in just a few minutes with a bag full of beers. We sat in his shop for about half an hour, mostly talking about his papyrus and the meanings behind the paintings. It was when I stood up to leave that he turned on his sales game. Once we had established an opening price for a piece of papyrus, it took about 2 seconds to get him to cut that in half. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested so he gave up on me and went to work on Thuong. I genuinely felt guilty that we had spent all that time with him and he even bought us beers and we didn’t buy anything, but we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Once we got out of there we just went back to the hotel room and went to bed.

The next morning was a big day: the Pyramids and the Sphinx, as well as Saqqara. We went out to the tour bus in the morning and met the rest of the travelers on the tour. There were about 20 Aussies, 1 Kiwi, 2 from London, and us two Americans. We also met our guide, Bishoy. The bus was one of those large, air conditioned coaches with plenty of room for everyone. Our first stop was a shop so that we could all get some cash and grab some water and snacks for the day. I must have gone through at least 3 liters a day, sometimes 4. This was the first we got to see Cairo in the daytime. Very busy, very crowded, and very dirty. I don’t know if waste collection is the problem or if people just don’t care, but they seem to just drop trash where they are. There is also a ton of dust but that was expected.

We drove from there out to the Pyramids and I was shocked to see that the city is built all the way up to them. One second you are in town, and you just take a left and there you are at the pyramids and the cameras went crazy. It is impossible to look away from the pyramids. They look much different than I expected. When you see them on TV they seem relatively smooth and uniform, but they are actually very rocky and jagged. I expected all the blocks to be the same size and that was not the case. Look closely in some of the pictures and you will see what I mean. That being said, pictures will not do them, or anything else in Egypt, the justice they deserve. You will only be in awe like that when you are standing in front of them. The middle pyramid, Cephren, still has some of its smooth surface near the top, but the rest was robbed away long ago. We were able to go inside this one. You go down a short and narrow corridor; I had to bend all the way over to walk. You go down a ways, then it levels off, then back up a bit to the burial chamber. There is still a stone sarcophagus inside and nothing else. All the treasures were stolen long before the chambers rediscovery. It was a very small space and it was very hot.

Outside the pyramids there were many locals selling cold drinks and camel rides. They were always begging you to take their picture, which we were told to avoid because once you give them that much attention, they will not leave you alone and try to sell you camel rides. They tell you it’s free but it’s a trap. They will let you up and then make you pay them to let you off. Be warned, nothing is free no matter what they say. At the very least they will hassle you for a tip.

Once we had a good look around we took the bus up the hill a bit to a place where we could get a good view of all the pyramids at once. Here we took a group photo and started our camel ride. It was basically a short journey from the hill down to the foot of the pyramids. My camel’s name was Michael Jackson according to his handler. The camel ride was short but it was very cool. I recommend it if you go and you shouldn’t have to pay more than 50 Egyptian pounds for it.

After that we went right around the corner to the Sphinx. There is a temple there that was used as part of the funeral before the ultimate burial inside the pyramid. The Sphinx has the body of a lion, to symbolize strength, and the head of a man, to symbolize the wisdom of man. It is still a mystery of how the nose was destroyed. The most popular theory is that it was shot of for fun by Napoleons soldiers but there are painting of the Sphinx with no nose from before Napoleon ever arrived, according to Bishoy.

Our next stop was the papyrus institute, where they make and sell real papyrus. The papyrus plant grows in the waters of the Nile. It is the first paper that humans ever made and they have sheets of it in the Egyptian museum that are over 3,500 years old that still have paintings on them. They showed us how it is made and how durable it is. You can get it wet and be fairly rough with it and it will not rip. They had many paintings available. You have to watch out for fake papyrus that is really banana leaves, so make sure if you get any that it has a certificate of authenticity. Papyrus is actually regulated by the government there to try to prevent counterfeiting.

Once we left the institute, we headed west to Saqqara, which is the home of the oldest pyramid in Egypt, the Step Pyramid. When this was built, it was the first time the Egyptians used stone in construction. It was originally one layer, and the other 5 were added later. The pillars in the temple there resemble papyrus stalks tied together and are believed to be the first stone pillars constructed by man. From this site, we could also see the so-called bent pyramid a few miles away at Dahshur. Halfway through construction they realized that it would fall over, so they changed the angle from 54° to 43°, thus the bend in the middle.

By this time we were all hot, tired, and hungry. We got back on the bus and didn’t really know what was up next, we just knew that we were getting on a train later that night. It was only about 3pm and Bishoy told us that they had arranged for us to hang out at a hotel pool nearby and they had arranged a BBQ for us that evening. This was exactly what we all needed. The hotel pool was great and, best of all, it had a swim up bar. As we were all lounging about and just getting to know each other, a man walked around the corner with a lion cub in his arms. For just a few pounds he would let you hold it and take your picture. I’m pretty sure he was sedated but he still wasn’t happy. By the time I held him he was growling quite a bit and he even had a nibble on my arm as I was passing him back, but luckily they had removed his sharp teethe. It was kind of sad to see the lion like that but, hey, I’m only one man and what could I do?

That night the food was glorious. I didn’t recognize anything on my plate but it was all great. After we ate we all headed for the train station for our overnight, 14 hour journey to Aswan. While we were waiting for the train, it rained for about 5 minutes. According to Bishoy, this only happened a few times of year so it was wild to be there when it did. We all got on the train and I was able to sleep most of the time. The temperature on the train went from freezing cold to burning hot and back again several times on the way so it was hard to stay asleep.

We arrived in Aswan around midday. Aswan is in the south of Egypt and is where the dam is. It is considerably hotter in the south, about 125°, maybe a hit higher during the hottest part of the day. The first thing we did was check into our hotel, which was by far the nicest in Aswan. It was a 5 star on an island in the middle of the Nile. We had some time to kill before our sightseeing so we all hung out by the pool and had lunch. Around 3 we got back on the bus to head to the high dam. It was quick; we basically just got out and took a few quick pics. From there we went to our first temple, the Phillae Temple. We took a little boat out to the temple, which was also on an island. It actually had to be moved several years back when the dam was completed, otherwise it would be underwater. They actually disassembled it brick by brick and put it back together at the new site. It was here that we learned the reasons for the layout of the temples and the genealogy of the gods. I won’t ruin it for you, its better to hear while you are there. Plus I don’t remember all of it. The temples are amazing. They all still have hieroglyphs that look like they were carved yesterday. Some still have paint on the walls, though this one did not. Bishoy was able to explain most of the carving and tell their stories. Some of the hieroglyphs have been vandalized by the early Christians, who were persecuted and had secret worship services in the abandoned temples. You can also see many crosses that they carved.

From there we headed back to Aswan where we wandered through the market for a bit before heading back to the hotel. We had seen everything the markets had to offer by then. Another dip in the pool before dinner, which was an authentic Nubian dinner and dancing at a restaurant up the Nile a ways. The meal was good, basic spiced meat with rice and vegetables, not as scary as I expected. The dancing and show were wild to see. There was some interaction with us and at one point we were all involved in a Nubian-style conga line that snaked its way through the whole restaurant. When we got back to the hotel we had a few drinks at the bar and went to bed.

Day three we got a much needed sleep in. Some of the crew bought an optional side trip that took the whole morning, so we slept late and had a nice breakfast and then hung out at the pool again. This was to day that we started our sailing journey up the Nile to Luxor. Feluccas are sailboats that are much the same today as they were in ancient times. It’s basically one big deck with a mattress and canopy, and you just lounge in the shade as you sail. There were ten of us on each boat, plus 3 Nubian sailors who did all the work, including cooking our meals. The first thing we did on the boat was eat lunch. They served us platters of good things to stuff inside pitas, such as potatoes, cucumbers, feta, and humus. We also had some fried sausage and watermelon for dessert. The watermelon in Egypt was the best I’ve ever had, though I suspect it had something to do with the stomach bug that went around. We set sail just after lunch but the wind was too strong so we had to take down the sails and drift. We didn’t have far to go that day anyway and drifting is still pretty quick. On the boat we all had a good time relaxing, chatting, and having a few beers from the ice chest. By the time we docked for the night we were all a bit tipsy.

That night we were invited to the home of a Nubian family to relax and smoke their hookahs. They had a nice area in the courtyard set up and we listened to music and smoked. Hookahs are usually filled with flavored tobacco of some kind. I think ours was apple but not quite sure. Hookahs amplify the affect of alcohol if you’ve been drinking, so it turned into quite a party. I’m pretty sure there was some salsa dancing involved.

At the end of the night we all went back to the felucca to sleep. This was the night that I first began to feel the stomach bug, along with several other members of the group.

This is as good a time as any to get real about what will happen to you in Egypt. I can’t remember one person from the group not being affected. I’m going to be very blunt and disgusting here so if you’re not up for it, skip to the next paragraph. Ready? You WILL get diarrhea. I was prepared and had enough Imodium to stay plugged up for a month under normal circumstances, and I even took a few BEFORE I ever felt sick, but to no avail. I thought a pre-emptive strike on my stomach would help prevent something, but my stomach was no match for the demon bug that crept inside us all. The next morning I could barely move because I was afraid I would shit the bed. I eventually worked up enough courage to head back to the Nubian house, where we were welcome to use the toilets and showers. My first experience was as close to a religious awakening as you can get without getting baptized. I thought about my whole life while I was in there and prayed for 45 minutes straight. The shower/toilet was in one stall – it was basically a toilet with a shower head over it. So, picture me in a run down Nubian village in middle of nowhere Egypt, in the most disgusting shower/toilet combo you can imagine, sitting on a 3 inch thick layer of TP protection, crying, sweating, praying, convulsing, and panting, with all my clothes thrown out of the stall and the shower running on top of me, which served to both cool me off and muffle the most peculiar sounds I’ve ever heard come out of a human body. This, with the exception of the shower part, happened to me 5 more times over the next 3 days, which was essentially every chance I got. The severity of the situation gradually decreased, but let’s just say that if I had used as much concentration in college as I did to not ruin the felucca for everyone else, I would have gotten a law degree in 4 years. And I’d be a doctor. So there it is, and I didn’t have the worst of it. One of the Aussies was so bad that he didn’t move for 2 days and actually went into a village to get a shot, which he declined once he got there because he didn’t feel so comfortable in that clinic.

That being said, the felucca sailing was great. All of the second day was spent cruising down the Nile, watching the desert and the farmlands go by. We stopped at one point on a little island to go for a swim. There are only certain parts where you can swim where it is safe, and I was surprised that the Nile is actually very cold because it moves so fast. If you aren’t careful, you can get caught in it and end up in the Mediterranean before you know it. After the swim we drifted a bit further before docking again for dinner. The place we stopped had 9 other boats tied up so there were a lot of people around. A soccer game was set up and it was all the Nubian sailors versus all the tourists. I didn’t play for reasons stated above, but it was very cool to see. Nubians won, but not by as much as I thought they would. During the few hours of daylight that we had left we all swam a bit and played cards or backgammon. I had played Uno with our sailors the first night and from then on they invited me to play every time they did, which was anytime we stopped. After the sun had set we all had dinner on our boOnce that was over, all the Nubians got out their bongo drums and built a bonfire. They all drummed and sang and a few of them got the crowd dancing a bit. This was one of my favorite parts of the sailing trip, it was totally tribal. That lasted a little over an hour and then we untied the boat and drifted a ways further in the dark. I really liked this part as well; you don’t see that many stars in Dublin.

When I woke up we were tied in at our last stop where the bus was waiting for us. We were just outside Luxor and the first thing on the agenda was the Kom Ombo temple.

I won’t go into too much detail on the temples. I wont be able to do it much justice and it’s more fun you learn it yourself when you are there. The Kom Ombo temple is dedicated to two different gods, Haroeris on the left side and Sobek on the right. Sobek was the crocodile headed god and they had a couple of mummified crocs there. From the Kom Ombo temple we went to the temple of Horus at Edfu. Horus was the falcon headed god and this temple is one of the best preserved.

After the two temples we arrived at our hotel in Luxor, which was again 5 star and well received, especially after the three days on the Nile. We spent more time at the pool; this one overlooked the Nile and also had a bar, yes! Once we were all sunburned we had a shower and a rest before a nice dinner at a Japanese restaurant in the hotel and then to bed.

The entire next day was spent around Luxor. We had a 4:15am wakeup call so that we could get to our hot air balloon ride in time to watch the sunrise from the flight. This was probably my favorite part of the trip. There were around 20 balloons in the sky and the sun was just coming over the horizon was we got into the air. We could see the entire Nile valley and endless desert. It is amazing to see where the fertile soil stops and the desert begins. We could see mountain and temples below, as well as the whole city and the farms. I was able to get some good pics and video, which are on my Flickr site.

Once we landed after about an hour, we headed to the Valley of the Kings. Once the Egyptians realized that pyramids were a bit conspicuous and that every tomb would be robbed, they began to hide the tombs in the Valley of the Kings. So far 62 tombs have been uncovered there, and there are plans to begin digging for more this year. We went inside three of these tombs, (sorry, cameras weren’t allowed), and they were all very well preserved. Unlike the temples which had reliefs carved into the walls, the tombs were all painted on the inside. The paintings looked like they could have been painted yesterday. Most of their meanings still remain a mystery.

Just outside the Valley we stopped to visit a family who made their living selling carvings made from alabaster, granite, basalt, flint, and onyx. They showed us the difference between these and the cheap plastic or chalk carvings that they try to sell you around all the sights. They had everything from statues of every god to vases to cups and bowls.

The next temple was built by Queen Hatshepsut. This one has a much different structure than the rest and has many columns on several different levels. There are chapels on each side that still have painted walls and ceilings. Just around the corner from that we saw the Valley of the Queens.

At last the final temple! They were all interesting in their own right but were starting to blend together. The last one, though, was probably my favorite: Karnak. This one is by far the biggest. In fact, it is the biggest religious sight in the world, even bigger than Vatican City. At one point there were over 400,000 animals inside. The pillars here had to be the biggest I’ll ever see, and one section alone had 134 of them. The first part of the temple at the entrance was left unfinished, and you can still see the mud ramps they were using to build it. Since it never rains down here, the ramps are just as they were left. There are two obelisks still standing, one turned over, and a scarab statue the size of a VW Beetle. We spent about an hour walking around inside, it was truly amazing.

After we had visited the last temple we were all spent. 4:15am was starting to catch up with us. It was mid afternoon and we didn’t have to be anywhere until the train left at 9pm, so we relaxed and napped by the pool for the rest of the afternoon. The next part of our journey was a 10 hour night train back to Cairo, which I slept the whole way through.

Once back in Cairo, we checked back into the same hotel as before. This time we had a room in the newer wing, which was considerably nicer than the previous room. Once we were checked in we hopped on a bus to the Egyptian Museum. Unfortunately again, no cameras were allowed inside. By far the most interesting thing inside was King Tut’s treasure, including the famous mask that his mummy was wearing. Tut’s tomb was the only one that had not been raided when it was discovered in 1922. All the treasure was still inside. When a king was crowned, they immediately began to dig his tomb. Therefore, the longer a kind ruled, the bigger his tomb. Since Tut died at 19, his tomb was very small. To make up for the lack of space that they needed for all the necessary artwork, they built several boxes inside of boxes, and every square inch of the inside and outside was engraves. The boxes were wood covered in sheets of gold. There were 4 total and inside was the mummy, which was also covered by several different coffins, all inside each other. The mummy was covered with many layers of gold and jewels, topped off by the mask.

Inside the museum also made me realize how many things the Egyptians came up with several thousand years ago that are still used today. They had umbrellas that fold out exactly how modern ones do. They used surgical tools that closely resemble the ones used today. They even had board games. We also got to see plenty of mummies in the museum, including many animals such as crocodiles, cats, dogs, horses, monkeys, jackals, fish, and snakes.

After the museum we went across town to the Cairo market. It was a madhouse of shops and stands selling everything Egyptian. They had a souvenir of everything you could think of, clothes, hats, scarves, jewelry, hookahs, masks, and general junk. We spent about an hour looking around, I bought a hand carved Nubian mask, and headed back to the hotel. A few of us had dinner together and it was time to say goodbye as we all went our separate ways.

Egypt now ranks as the coolest place I have ever been. I highly recommend that you go there at some point in your life. I’ll understand if you skip the felucca trip for obvious reasons, but you have to see the pyramids, temples, and museum. As I said before, my words and pictures will not do it justice.

do work

two work related things:

1) i am quitting Hell, Inc. Aug 1

B) i did some work on flickr and uploaded a ton more pics from around Europe

and lastly, i've been lazy with the Egypt blog. sue me. i'll try to have it up this week before i go to spain to get gored by a pack of angry bulls. what is a group of bulls? a flock of angry bulls? a school of angry bulls? nope, got it. a pride of angry bulls. zoology rocks.

Egypt Teaser

Full account to come soon, but I'll let you check out some pics. I took around 1300. Click here to see the highlights album.

Ski the Alps

When I first thought of moving to Europe, one of the things towards the top of my list was to ski the Alps. I didn’t know much about it, but I knew it would be amazing. So once the holidays were over, I rounded up some dudes for a Man Trip.

Seamus Jones: From Pennsylvania, looks like a young James Cromwell, barrel chested, loud snorer.

Michael Bourn: Buddhist Arizonian who has been partying non-stop since 1989. Fell in love with a Wicklow girl. Last known whereabouts: Southeast Asia.

Rob Davis: AKA Hearth-throb Rob. Ladies (and sometimes men) can’t keep their hands off him. You know he wants to party when he says, “I’ll have one but that’s it.”






Thuong Nguyen: That’s Tune Win. 37 but looks 25. Vietnamese with a Tennessee accent. (Mondee, Tuesdee, etc)

And me: well you pretty much know me, plus I would feel silly writing something like that about myself.

As you can see, we decided to grow some stellar mustaches for the trip. Why? Simple: for kicks. You might also notice that Seamus, despite being a grizzled 30+, is unable to grow visible facial hair, garnering him the nickname “Cinnamon Sprinkles,” much to his dismay. His attempt to relinquish this nickname by darkening the beard with mascara was futile, only subjecting him to further ridicule and heartache.

We must have talked about the trip for a month ahead of time. Hats off to Cinnamon Sprinkles for organizing pretty much the whole thing and making the video afterwards. In fairness, he does the least at work so it made sense.

On January 16, 2008 we set off on our adventure. I got to the airport pretty early (745am) and found Seamus half a pint down already. It was then that I knew what kind of trip this would be, and I nearly hugged him. We sat and had a nice pint of Guinness with breakfast while we waited for the others.

When they arrived, we couldn’t stop laughing, mostly at this picture:

For some reason I was offered a job with the highway patrol, and Rob was being recruited by the Irish Pimp Association. We graciously declined.

When we got on the plane we were as giddy as a bunch of Orange County girls on the way to the Paris Hilton Shoe and Purse Jamboree. When the flight attendant came by to take our drink order, I tried to order every beer I could think of that I knew they didn’t have.

Me: I’ll have an Old Milwaukee please.
FA: Huh?
Me: Keystone Light?
FA: We don’t have any of those.
Me: What about Colt 45?
FA: We have Heineken and Guinness.
Me: Oh cool I’ll just have a Natty Light then.
FA: Heineken or Guinness sir. (losing patience)
Me: Ok please tell me you have Milwaukee’s Best.
FA: (Stern look on her face that said: order a GD Heineken or Guinness or I will lock you in the shitter!)
Me: Heineken please. Thank you ma’am.

We landed in Geneva, Switzerland where we were met by a van to take us across the border to Chamonix, France. Chamonix is a lovely little resort town in the Alps near Mont Blanc, the highest peak in the French Alps. We were staying in a hostel that was something like €24 per night and we had low expectations. We really only wanted a place to sleep on the cheap. We were pleasantly surprised. The hostel included breakfast and dinner, both very good, and had a good mix of people and a decent bar. We had a six man room and the 6^th man ended up being a guy from England who we think was probably gay. We apologized in advance for what we knew he was about to suffer through for the next 4 nights.

That first night we rented our gear, ate dinner at the hostel, and ended up drinking Amstel there until late. Four of us went to bed and Thuong went out with some new friends to another bar. Amidst all the snoring I think I heard him stumble in at about 430am. When we all got up at 8 to hit the slopes, he was nestled under everything he owned, which he had somehow dumped out of his bag. We didn’t see him until late that afternoon.

There are several places to choose from to ski and we picked one at random. It was only a short walk from the hostel to the bus station, which took us straight to the lifts. That first day was the worst weather we had, but it still wasn’t bad. A bit foggy and windy but we still had a great time. Bourn was the self designated navigator, and once we got him to hold the map right side up he did a phenomenal job. Quite a few falls that day, except for Grandpa Jones, who never went fast enough to even worry about a wobble. At one point I saw him sipping tea and knitting a shawl while making slow gentle S curves down the mountain, not a care in the world.

From here on the details get a little fuzzy… I know we went out that night, but I couldn’t tell you with 100% accuracy the order of the following events. This is only partially due to the amount of beers consumed, but also the amount of time (and subsequent beers consumed) since these events took place. I’ll tell you the stories and you can put them together in a way that suits you best. Interactive blog!

I do know that that night we went out to a nice dinner and I had something called Raclette. Raclette is a meal that consists of a giant wedge of cheese placed on a special heater that melts the sides, which you scrape onto an assortment of meats, potatoes, and breads. It was superb. I remember it well because it gave us all terrible gas for the rest of the trip. Toasty on the slopes, menacing in the hostel. We had that with some good wine. I’ve never seen or heard of this anywhere else but I recommend it if you ever come across it. There was a pub there that we went to after that. It was a quieter place that people went to before they really went out for the night. We stayed a while and met some other travelers. Once we were done there we finished up at the hostel and went to bed.

The second day of skiing we went to the other side of the valley. This side was more wide open. At the top, they had this cable car that went from peak to peak and it seemed to just disappear in the fog and go nowhere. Once you got above the clouds, it was like a clear sunny day and it was actually quite warm. This offered some of the most breathtaking views I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what it is about the Alps, but they seem more beautiful than the Rockies. Maybe that’s just because they are newer to me.

This was the first day we had Thuong and he was, shall we say, how do I put this delicately, a terrible skier. The man couldn’t keep his skis on if we nailed them to his feet. You know those plastic fences they put up around tricky spots so no one goes over the edge, but every time you see them you think, “no one is that bad. I bet no one ever gets caught in those nets,” ? Behold:

That’s Thuong, in one of those nets, at the end of one of the gentlest catwalks you will ever see. They were training toddlers how to “make a pizza” to stop, and Thuong ended up looking like a fly caught in a spider web. Someone actually had to use Thuong’s own ski to fish him out. Ok maybe I’m beating him up too much, he picked it up later but I think we can all say he was on his butt more than the rest of us.

That night (or one of those night, they’re all running together now) was a big sports night. There was an important rugby match on as well as an NFL playoff game. We found a pub called Munster’s that had the game on so we hung out there for a while. It ended up being 99% Irish people so we felt right at home. I don’t remember anything about the football. I think about half way in we all forgot about it. There were plenty of people to talk to and we found ourselves explaining the game quite a bit. Munster’s was in a town square with a few other places so we bounced around quite a bit that night. Somewhere along the way I remember being at a cool bar with the best cover band I have ever seen. I also remember slipping on some ice in the middle of the road and falling to the ground. You know on cartoons where they slip on ice and their legs keep trying to keep up and their arms go flailing? That was me. I can actually remember, while I was sliding all over the place but before I fell, thinking that I must look like one of those cartoon characters. Seamus and Rob D witnessed the whole thing and we couldn’t stop laughing for hours. For the life of me I can’t place which night that was. We ended up at the only nightclub in town for what we called dancing and, as usual, finished in the hostel and went to bed.

The third and final day of skiing we all felt a bit groggy but spirits were high. We went up the side of the mountain near Mont Blanc. We skied for a couple of hours before we stumbled across a lodge halfway down the mountain. The weather was nice, we were a bit tired and parched, so we stopped for a snack and a “quick beer” while we sat outside. 3 hours later we were 6 beers deep we were still in lawn chairs on the deck. 6 beers x altitude = an excellent head for skiing. Most of the antics that occurred on the slopes (which you can see in this video) happened that afternoon when we finally went back out. It was the first time I’ve ever skied with liquid courage and I have to say it was really fun.

The trip home looked like 5 of the most tired boys in history. It felt like I didn’t sleep for days. With all the snoring going on, I probably slept 45 minutes total. I’ve also never drank that many beers over a 4 day period in my life. We yawned, farted, and laughed the whole way home. It was a highly successful trip that we still laugh about often. If you’re ever in the neighborhood, ski the Alps.

London Gentleman

Around Christmastime, everyone I knew had somewhere to go. Most of my American friends were going back to the States and my Irish friends where mostly traveling or doing other family things. I had to get out of town, so I booked a cheap ticket to London. By myself… (Queue sad, lonely, emo music. In this scene, I’m walking with my head down and then I look back like I’m expecting someone to be there, with a single solitary tear running down my cheek…)

Just kidding, it wasn’t that bad. I actually like traveling by myself because I can do anything I want and I never have to wait on anyone. It’s very liberating. I flew out on Christmas Eve, which was only two days after I got back from Germany. I really didn’t have any plans, other than a show on London’s famous West End. It’s like Broadway in NYC.

My flight was in the morning, so I was in London by noon. It would have been earlier but I flew into Gatwick, which is further out and you have to take a train to get into the main part of the city. I took the train to a main tube (subway) station and then took several different tubes to the area my hotel was in (sort of), Piccadilly Circus. I stayed at the Hotel Russell in Russell’s Square on Great Russell Street. How could I not? I had to take several different ones and go out of my way because, of all the tubes in London Underground, the one that I needed was out of service. And my hotel wasn’t as close as I thought it was so I ended up taking a cab from the subway station. I got there eventually. Piccadilly Circus is kind of like Times Square in New York, lots of lights and very busy and right next to the West End and all the shows. It is also very close to one of the main shopping areas of London. Overall, it’s very central and near a lot of things to see.

My show, Les Miserables, was that night so I checked in to the hotel, went for a quick bite, and headed to the theatre. I’ve been to several shows on Broadway and you always hear how good this one is. The acting was great, as were the costumes and everything else, but the show was not my cup o’ tea. Rather boring if you ask me. I appreciated it but didn’t particularly enjoy it.

I went back to the hotel hoping that there would be some people in the bar to chat with but it was virtually empty, so I just went to bed.

My plan was to take the open top bus tour on Christmas day. I had bought a ticket the previous day while I was out and about. When I woke up (first of all Santa had not been there, I need to talk to you mom…) it was raining enough that the bus tour didn’t look like much fun. Neither did walking around. The rain really dampened my spirits (bad joke, sorry). So I didn’t do much in the morning but eventually walked down the street to have lunch. I had a nice bangers and mash and by then the rain was intermittent, so I went for a walk. I went back towards Piccadilly but there wasn’t much going on, so I figured I would catch a movie, common enough on Christmas day in the US. Every theatre was closed, I passed several. So I went for fish and chips and went back to the hotel where I watched movies until I fell asleep. Not the most festive Christmas I’ve had, but like I said, I was just relaxing.

The next day, Boxing Day, it was still raining but it was my last day so I decided to use my bus ticket anyway. I didn’t have as much time as I would have liked because I had to catch the train back to Gatwick for my evening flight.

The tour wasn’t that long, so I got to see quite a few things. I picked it up from Trafalgar square, which commemorates British victory at the Battle of Trafalgar during the Napoleonic Wars. Just down the road were Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. Across the street from that was Westminster Abbey. I would have liked to have gotten out here and walked around a bit, but no time. Just over the River Thames and I was at the London Eye, which is the biggest Ferris wheel in Europe. I was really looking forward to going on it but, again, no time. From there it continued through the streets of London, past St. Paul’s cathedral and across Tower Bridge to the Tower of London, which is one of the more important monuments in London. It is a castle that has served as a fortress, a royal palace, and a prison. I was dying to go in but as you can probably guess, I didn’t. The next place I stopped was Buckingham Palace. I’ll be honest, it’s not that impressive from the outside. I hear the inside and the gardens are amazing but I’ll have to see that next time. I missed the changing of the guards as well.

From there I took the bus to the stop nearest my hotel, where I picked up my back and headed to the airport. It was short and sweet, I knew I would be back. I’ll spend another day there in July (on my way to run with the bulls in Spain!), hopefully I can go up in the London Eye or maybe the Tower, if time permits. Check back later for that.

The Italian 5-0 and nude German senior citizens!

Remember when I told you that we went to the ticket booth at the train station in Rome to get a ticket for Venice three days later? Sounds pretty easy right? I mean in Normal World, you buy a ticket for a train and then get on that train and it takes you to your destination. You do exactly what the ticket says and the conductor does his part and the World makes sense. Well, in the World I’m living in, this is what happens:

We had this thing called a EuroPass. It’s basically a cheaper way to travel by train if you will be going several different places in a short time. Ours was good for 5 days of train travel within three months. It was more than we needed but still worked out cheaper than buying each one separately. We took these to the ticket booth in Rome and told the lady “We have the Europass, here it is, we’d like to take X train to Venice please,” and the reply we heard was “Sure thing, here are your reservation cards and your EuroPasses back.”

What we really told her was “Howdy! We’re two Stupid Americans and we’d like you to con us out of some money and scare the shit out us please,” to which she really replied, “I can see that. No worries, here’s a reservation card for your ass shafting and, don’t worry, I’ll make sure my inside guy on the train is extra scary for youJ”

You see, on the EuroPass, it clearly says that you have to have a stamp from a train official each day you use it, this way they know how many days you’ve used. We knew this going in, and I’d say we both expected the lady at the counter to do it when we got our reservations. In the Real World, she was supposed to, and I think she knew this. In Bizarro World, she didn’t.

When we got on the train, we sat in the wrong seats. No worries, we moved to the correct seats. Good news from Perfect World, there’s a beautiful girl across the isle! We’re sorry for this urgent interruption from Sucky World, she’s about to have a laugh at your expense.

The journey from Rome to Venice is about 3.5 hours. We made it through about 2 hours unscathed and then the gelato hit the fan. The ticket collector blew through all the passengers from Pleasantville (where everyone’s tickets are made of candy and you can float away in a bubble as soon as you are stamped) and then took a right into Retard Alley (where our tickets are made of used hypodermic needles and we now have HIV), where we were sitting. I handed him my reservation card and my EuroPass. He glanced at them both, seemed satisfied, and punched a hole in the reservation card before he handed it all back. Shane followed and just when he was about to punch the hole, I mean if a fly had landed on his hand at the right moment it would have been enough to force it, he brought it closer for a second look. He made a face, we’ll call it a grimace, and then gestured for me to hand mine back. He looked at it again, glanced at us both from over the top of his glasses, and uttered what was one of few phrases he knew in English, “Big Trouble,” and put everything in his inside coat pocket. Then he looked at us like our parents used to do when we fessed up to something terrible we had done. And then it was silent.

Oh. Shite.

I said to Shane, “I think we’re in trouble here. Big Trouble even.” I try to be funny even when it’s not appropriate sometimes. Shane was not amused.

A boy about 16 years old in front of us heard what was going on and offered to translate as best he could. I don’t suspect he was part of The Great Italian Train Ripoff but if he was, he was the best actor. They had a brief conversation in Italian and then he told us what we both knew.

1) The EuroPass should have been stamped before we got on the train.
2) Being on the train without the stamp was like being on the train with no ticket at all.
3) Being on a train with no ticket at all in Italy is a Big Deal.

And then number 4, the one we didn’t see coming

4) Pay him €100 each and we’ll forget this ever happened.

I couldn’t believe my ears. I was instantly furious. Shane was silent. It was clear that I was to be the spokesman for the team. I pleaded my case like this:

1) We showed the lady the EuroPass and she did nothing, this is HER fault.

2) Cant you just stamp it for us now? This is the first use and we don’t even need all that we paid for. We’re not trying to get away with anything!

3) %#$*(#$*@&!&!

This is where the integrity of the boy came in. In the Land of Milk and Honey, the boy would have translated, the sensible ticket collector would have agreed that it was a simple misunderstanding, and we would all laugh about it over champagne. In our land, the Land of Piss and Chaos, it went slightly different…

All this time he was shaking his head no and making the “give me money” gesture with his fingers, which REALLY pissed me off, hence #4. He mumbled something to the kid and he said to us, “He says you go to jail.” I said we’re not paying. So, he left.

I’d say about 10 minutes passed with nether of us saying anything and then I turned to Shane and told him that the way I see it, we have two options here:

1) Go to jail in Italy and have an amazing story to tell about it later.

2) Pay the guy, continue our trip, and tell about the time we almost went to jail in Italy.

I left the decision to him; I was actually up for either.

Ever the voice of reason, Shane explained the we knew nothing about Italian jail (it could be terrible, like Mexico or Office Space or something), we didn’t speak the language, it would cost more than €50 to get out of jail, it would ruin the rest of the trip, he had to be back home on a certain date, etc, etc….

Then we just sat there for 20 minutes.

The train started to slow down to a stop but I knew we couldn’t be at Venice yet. For a brief moment, I suspected they were stopping to throw two American stowaways out into the cold. Then I realized that if they were going to do that, they wouldn’t slow down, they would just throw us out at full speed. Then I realized that I was being crazy and that we were just stopping at one of the many stops in other towns along to way, to drop off and pick up passengers. And that’s when I think Shane and I had the same idea at the same time. Maybe we could run inside to the ticket booth, with our Italian Ticket Nazi, and get the passes stamped. After all, we were still on the same day, day 1, so it wouldn’t matter, right? Shane ran back to run the plan by the guy.

While he was gone, I noticed the hot girl across the isle was giggling. She was looking at a piece of paper that her companion, a mid-30’s gal, had given her. I knew it was about us but didn’t let on. After she set the paper on the table, I gave it an inconspicuous glance. From what I could make out, it was a doodle of Shane and me crying in our seat while the Big Bad Train Man scolded us and threatened us with hard time. At my expense, but funny. So I leaned over and said to the lady, “If I get dragged out of here kicking and screaming, will you mail that to my mom so she knows what happened to me?” If I’m going down, I’m at least going to see if I can make a pretty girl smile first. She did, then she gave me the picture (which I still have) and we began to chat. They offered to help in any way they could but there was nothing they could do. Shane came back with exactly the response we all expected. No dice.

So we sat there again for the rest of the trip. We chatted with our new friends a bit, managing to disguise our emotional discomfort well enough I suppose. We were trying to play it cool, you know, don’t panic. This will work itself out, no problems, someone will come to our rescue.

Then the train pulled us back to Planet Earth where we were in Deep Shit. Our friend was back at our seats as the train came to a stop. He said nothing, we said nothing, he just stood there making that “fork over the dough, wussbags” gesture again, which I think he knew infuriated me. I still refused to pay. When it looked like we were at a stalemate, he cracked a little and said, “€50 each.” This angered me even further because it proved to me that the original €100 was clearly just for his pocket, or at least half of it was. I glanced at Shane and he gave me a look that said, “quit being an idiot, this guy is serious, we’ll never survive in jail, just pay the man and lets get out of here,” so that’s what we did. We even got a receipt for it, which pissed me off even more, and he stamped our Europasses.

So we got off the train and I was sweating like crazy. We walked into the terminal and stopped to look around and then just started laughing. Yes, it was scary and yes, we just lost €50 each but now that it was over, it was hilarious. And we still had a good story (right?)

We didn’t have a reservation in Venice and it was getting near 9pm. We called a hostel to ask directions and they said they were full. So we called the other hostel and they said they were also full. So we just started walking. Lost. Venice is pretty quiet at night. We turned down a narrow allow and found a hotel that wasn’t too expensive.

The next morning we were up pretty early and the first thing we did was get our train tickets to our next destination, which we decided would be Interlaken, Switzerland. We had some breakfast and then hopped on the bus. By bus I mean waterbus. They have the same type of public transport as anywhere else; expect they are all boats that hold 100 stinky people rather than buses that hold 100 stinky people. . We were headed to the only major site in Venice called Piazza San Marco. It has a large basilica and a tower and tons of shops. Saint Mark’s Basilica is one of the coolest I have seen so far. They won’t even let you take a camera in. Every square inch of the inside is covered with very intricate mosaic. The tiles they used are very small too, so the pictures look extremely detailed. Most of them depict scenes from the bible. I wish I would have been able to take pictures inside. This is also where we were attacked by pigeons. They will literally land on your shoulder or head if they think you have food, and once one does it they all do it. It’s disgusting. We ran.

After that we just walked around all day. I have to say, there really isn’t too much to see in Venice. Most of the streets are lined with shops and most of them are expensive. It’s a very nice place and definitely worth a look, but it’s geared more towards the Romantic Getaway rather than the Two Single Dudes Conquering Europe trip. We ate some good lunch and there are some neat bridges and boats to see. We took the waterbus out to Murano, which is another island and is famous for glassware. We heard that you can watch them make it but we never found that. They must have been closed. Towards the end of the day, when we normally would have had a nice dinner, we ate at Burger King to help make up for getting robbed on the train.

Since we had walked all day and Venice isn’t exactly known for its nightlife, we were out of things to do and back at the hotel by 6. We didn’t want to just go to bed but we had been all over town and it was dark. I suggested that we go to the Chinese place next door and have a drink or two. We ended up drinking the place out of wine and went home at 9. It’s a good thing it was right next door or we might have drowned. That was a good night, though, because we spent the whole time rehashing memories and telling stories from growing up together in Coldwater.

The next morning we had about a 4 hour train ride through northern Italy to Switzerland. This was some of the most beautiful scenery I have seen. We went through many farms and wineries and eventually through the Alps. I didn’t get a good picture of this out the train window, unfortunately.

We had to switch trains in a small town and we missed the stop. So we got off at Bern and went back. This only cost us about half an hour. When we got to Interlaken it was dark but it was beautiful even so. We were staying in a hostel that was known as being a good time for people our age. We checked in and went to dinner at the restaurant where we met some other Americans. After that we went downstairs to the nightclub and met some people and had a few beers. We had an early train the next morning so we didn’t stay out too late. I definitely want to go back to that town; we didn’t spend enough time there.

Our next destination was our last, Baden-Baden, Germany. We had a room booked for that night and then we were both flying to separate places to go home. The main plan there was the Roman Bath, which they are famous for. We got checked in to the hotel and made our way over to the spa. On the way we had some amazing lunch.

The spa is…well…nude. It’s a nude spa. Before your mind goes straight to the gutter, you should know that most of the occupants are German pensioners. It’s not like the Playboy mansion or anything from a movie (bummer). I’d say Shane and me brought the average age down a good 15 years. What brought us to it was that it was highly recommended, cheap, and a great way to end a week long trip through Europe. We had realistic expectations going in to this; we knew it wasn’t going to fulfill any fantasies. Unless your fantasies include this you sicko:

When you go in, you pay and they give you a key to a locker. The men go in one locker room and the women another. They instruct you to strip down and then head to station 1. There are 14 stations in total and it’s supposed to take about 3.5 hours. The men’s locker room is like a labyrinth. We found a locker but there was no clear path to station 1. I was naked first so I volunteered to go look for it while Shane finished bearing his soul to the world. Now Shane had warned me, because he knows me so well, that it would most likely NEVER be appropriate for me to laugh while we were inside this place, and he’d rather not have me embarrass him. I agreed and assured him that I was here to relax and I understood the seriousness of the situation. I lasted about 10 minutes. As soon as I walked around the corner, I was face to face with a 75 year old, naked, wrinkled, WOMAN. In the course of one second I thought to myself, “Are we in the wrong locker room? No, we are definitely in the men’s room.” So, I laughed. Not like a giggle or a chuckle, but one of those laughs where it sounds like you are trying to hold it in at first and so you just grunt and spit a lot, and then a full on LOL. I was cracking up. I walked back around the corner before Shane could scold me, I knew he wanted to, and I whispered “There’s an ole lady in here!” and right about that time she appeared, in all her saggy glory. All was forgiven immediately because this was legitimately funny. So then we had a showdown with her. She stood there for a second or two, looking us up and down, no reaction whatsoever, expecting us to say something. We said “HAHAHA” and snorted a lot so she walked away.

After that debacle was over we spent the next three and half hours in total relaxation. It starts off with a hot shower from a giant shower head, then moves on to progressively hotter saunas. Station 5 is a massage and brush scrub, from a man. We knew this was part of it and of course we both hoped for women but who were we kidding. By then I was so relaxed I didn’t care. You lay on a hot marble slab while they work your muscles, then they scrub you with a coarse brush. The guy asked me if I wanted the hard brush or the soft brush. To help me choose, he ran each of them across my arm. The hard brush was like one of those wire brushes you clean your grill with, and I felt no discernable difference between that and the soft brush. I chose the soft brush anyway. I can say I’ve never been cleaner in my life than I was after that. I was worried that he was going to scrub my tattoos clean off. After that it was a series of steam rooms, hot tubs, and pools. There is only one station that is coed, and that is the giant hot tub in the middle. There was only one girl in there while we were there and, to be honest, she looked like a guy. I was so relaxed by then that the Swedish Bikini Team could have been in there and I still would have fallen asleep, which is what I did. The very last station is a bed. They wrap you up like a burrito and just let you lay in a bed for as long as you want. The sign says 30 minutes, but we both fell asleep and were in there for 50 minutes. We only woke up because some guy started snoring. When it was all over, we floated back to the hotel and slept for 3 hours.

When we woke up we were starving and it was dinner time. We had some good food, again, and went back to the hotel to relax for the evening, still a bit groggy from the spa treatment.

The next morning Shane flew to London and I flew home to Dublin. It was an amazing, life altering trip that we’ll both remember forever.