RIP

Conquista, a 1985 El Camino.

Known lovingly as “the mullet of cars” and described playfully as “brown and light brown,” the dual purpose car/truck had been feeling ill as of late. She provided great service to her owners throughout her lifetime, all the while getting pretty decent gas mileage and more than ample leg room. Road trips were taken. Objects were hauled. Cassette tapes were jammed. Her greatest joy came late in life as the managing partner of El Camino Lawn Service, a short lived but profitable business venture that she described as “probably the reason I was invented in the first place. I can haul two mowers and a weed eater, but I’m not so high off the ground that you can’t lift things into me.” She also fondly recalled once hauling a new refrigerator for a friend, only to have it fall over in her bed halfway to their destination.


Several recent instances of non-routine maintenance led to the decision to have open hood surgery. After 2 days with her hood wide open, Conquista took a turn for the worst when the mechanic (sniff) was unable to provide engine heat displacement, despite his best efforts. Things were going well until the head gasket cracked and the patients steam sprayed everywhere, it looked like a war scene in the operating lot. The team of one attempted last second resuscitation until it was noted that the steam was also coming out of her tailpipe, described by experts as “the automobile kiss of death.” Time of death was reported at 817pm last night. Services were held in a private ceremony last night in my driveway, attended only by myself, a socket set, and a headlamp. There will be a constant viewing at 19th and McKinley until a proper burial place can be found. Our thoughts and prayers go to the owner.

Lovingly, Russ

“Rest well Conquista, you will be missed.”