The Valentine Sham

Today is Valentine's Day as you all well know, and again, intentionally, I am single. I make a lot of jokes about this day every year and most people think I'm bitter, which is not the case. I think the idea of Valentine's Day is nice enough. Expressing love and giving gifts and all that is worth doing...

Did you know that Valentine's Day was originally a pagan holiday and that it was renamed after Christian martyrs named Valentine, of which there are actually several. In fact, until the late 1960's, the Catholic church officially recognized 11 Valentine's Days. These days were celebrated for centuries with no romantic cues attached. It wasn't until America got a hold of it that it became the second largest card sending day of the year behind Christmas, though it was done in England before that only to a lesser extent. Now there are around a billion Valentine's Day cards sent each year worldwide. How much is a card? $2? $3? How much for the giant ones? Those are hilarious. As technology continues to increase in popularity, ecards are robbing Hallmark stores and saving some trees. I'm all for it. My favorite ecard site is terribly inappropriate and has the tag line "when you care enough to hit send."

Once greeting cards were regarded as the thing to do on Valentine's, all the other industries decided to get a piece of the action. Florists got it, then the candy people, and finally the diamond industry. It's become quite popular to propose on Valentine's Day, which I think is about as unoriginal as a guy can get. The restaurant where I work is completely booked for tonight and I expect at least one proposal.

Money money money. And don't forget sex. Dig deep enough in of all this Valentine's Day madness and you will find sex at the root of it all. It may have started out harmless enough, with the idea being to show love and maybe send a little note to show it, but modern Valentine's Day is all about sex. I see the commercials and I wish one of them would just come out and say, "Buy here these (flowers, candies, stuffed anteaters, jewels, BMW's, etc) and there is a better chance that she will want to have sex with you! Tonight!"

The sad thing is that billions of dollars worth of men fall for this. Or they date shallow enough women that it rings true! It's also sad that women come to expect these things on Valentine's Day and can become furious if the traditions are not kept. I've witnessed this. Don't ask.

To women on Valentine's Day I say this:
1. Do you really want your man to be a mindless drone and follow the prompts of our disparaged society and buy you some useless crap, that same useless crap that he buys you every year and that all your previous boyfriends have bought you and that thousands of other guys are buying their women at this exact moment?
*To 80% of women*
2. Really? You do? Crap. I thought I had something there. You're shallow.
3. It's a day of showing love. It goes both ways. We don't want crap either. We already have ten pairs of boxers with hearts on them and those chocolate things give us gas. On that note, spare boxers may not be a bad idea.

And to my brothers on Valentine's Day I say this:
Walk past the heart shaped candy boxes and the cheap roses and stuffed carnivores and shiny sex bribes and think of something unique to show your love. Chances are if it has a heart on it, you are going in the wrong direction. Buy her a flower that you know she likes and you didnt have to ask her about. You should know this. DO SOMETHING with her. I can't believe you havent realized this yet! They want you to go to a show of some kind or take dance lessons or go to a winery together. You don't even have to spend a lot of money. How about a picnic or just staying at home and cooking? Some married friends of mine are going to stay home and roll their own sushi together. This is the key word, together. Dont send her to a spa by herself. Thought about going to the spa with her? Couples massage? Cha-ching. That's a win-win!

You know what else really grinds my gears? That people (men) think they can get away with things like this only once a year. It's like a get out of jail free card of sorts. By creating a holiday where we HAVE to do it, we've confined it. We become complacent the other 364 days a year and then it becomes a chore when Feb 14 actually rolls around. How many other times would a person do any of these things in a year? Answer: other holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Those are obvious. The difference is, in my opinion, that those are celebrations of EVENTS. Love is not an event, it's a state of being, and to celebrate it once a year with Russell Stover's and beanie babies is a sham. I think we owe love, and each other, more than that. Let's make Valentine's Day an unlimited floating holiday, one you can use whenever and as often as you like.

*disclaimer*
these are my opinions and if any of this backfires on you, you deserve it for taking your advice off the internet from a guy who is at home alone blogging on Valentine's day.